May 2009
25 posts
Smite California!
What is taking God so long? Really, not to commit blasphemy or anything, but if I were God, things would be running a lot more efficiently around here. Just sayin’. That’s all.
But seriously, what is up with the lack of plagues in California??? I know their economy sucks and all that. But allowing 18,000 Homofascist unions to continue surely merits some sort of locust attack. Or at...
Gay marriage causes Komodo dragon attacks in... →
Shame. The vicious Homofascists will stop at nothing. Even innocent Indonesian villagers are not immune to the crazed guerilla tactics of gays intent on marrying and corrupting our constitution.
If you are reading this and you are being attacked by a Komodo dragon, please send me an email right away.
I just ate Chinese takeout
Are there gay Chinamen? I have terrible gas.
What about my rights, Homofascists??
The Homofascists have been going on and on for a while now about their silly rights. In their typical narcissistic way, they have completely forgotten about my rights. That’s right. My. Rights.
But all that changes today. Today I stand up for My Rights.
Homofascists are infringing on my rights. My life is harder, more painful, grittier, now that gays are marrying all over the place....
I Can Haz Str8 Marrij Plz?
Have any of you heard of this thing called ‘Laulkatz’? Well, I just did.
Laulkatz is a cutting-edge new language that was designed to help people communicate with teenagers. My sources keep me well-informed of new developments and so I found out all about it today. The title of today’s post is in the new Laulkatz language! It means : ” May I Please Have Straight...
Homosexuals, click here for strong heterosexual... →
This is an awesome website that will help all the homosexuals struggling with their ungodly impulses. This website will teach you how to behave like a regular guy. You will learn how to flirt with girls like a real man. You’ll learn what clothes to have and what haircuts to get. These are valuable life skills no man can do without.
A fantastic set of instructions on how to be a... →
Every guy should click on the link and peruse it thoroughly. And ladies, stay away from this link. We don’t want your minds getting corrupted with all this talk about courage and strength.
I just printed out the instructions and taped them on my refrigerator. No one can stop me now. This is why the Internet is so cool. By just following a set of rules written by some really kind stranger, I...
I left out my chocolate ice cream
Now there’s a gooey mess all over my couch. I must have slept through the melting when I nodded off while watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did I say Golden Girls? I meant Walker Texas Ranger. I turned on the Golden Girls only because Bea Arthur’s hair looked so silly.
Walker Texas Ranger is my favorite show by the way. I watch it all the time. Yeah, screw that Bea Arthur and her...
Today in History in the Year of the Lord 1515
Mary Tudor, Queen of France married Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk.
Queens make the best brides.
The Plague of Warm Sunlight
It’s getting warmer. Urgh. I despise warm weather. Usually warm weather makes people sin more.
I am a good person
I have had a tiring day trying to preserve my morals. More people should be like me and less like themselves. Does anyone realize how exhausting it is fighting for the Lord every day? It’s a thankless job. Even the homosexuals don’t appreciate how I am struggling to help them attain salvation.
Slow waitress
The lady just won’t bring me my check. What could be keeping her? Oh wait…
This is how homosexuals destroy the lives of ordinary law-abiding Americans. Today, a slow waitress. Tomorrow, the world.
There will soon be homosexual orgies on the steps...
And who knows what else? I’m sure the necrophiliacs will also come out in full force. After all research has shown that homosexuality and necrophilia go together. (This is why gay people smell so good. They have to use a lot of deodorant to cover up the smell of corpses.) Anyway Gaymarriagedidthis.com has learned exclusively that Washington DC might legalize gay marriage.
Also be warned,...
How could I possibly be 'lactose intolerant'??
Ridiculous. Something is afoot here. The nurse who tested me had very short hair and she walked with a manly gait. Also she wore sneakers. What sort of woman wears sneakers out in public? Not a real one, that’s for sure. She had that whole man-hating vibe about her too. Hmm.
See I know I am not lactose intolerant. Men are never lactose intolerant because men can eat anything. Real men...
Homofascists scheme to take away Miss California... →
The evil idol-worshipping Homofascist satanist terrorists are at it again! How dare they keep me from marrying Miss California??!!! When I met my Carrie and fell in love and decided to take her for my wife, I was signing up to marry Miss California!!! That was what I had originally settled on!
It is always best to try and mate with beauty queens. They have the best quality eggs that are ripe and...
So Maine Went And Legalized Gay Marriage →
We might have misunderestimated our enemy.
April 2009
34 posts
What the Liberal Media Doesn't Want You To Know:...
That’s right. You heard it here first. I know that the Homosexual Mafia will probably send their jackbooted thugs after me. Is that their Prius parked up my street? I see an impeccably groomed fellow strolling around. Do your worst, homosexuals. I don’t fear you.
The simple fact is that this swine flu virus did not just happen. Nature does not do such things. And certainly not God....
Some druggie swimmer has stolen my future wife,... →
Get your filthy marijuana-stained webbed paws off my woman, Michael Phelps.
You know, Michael, you may think you’re a great guy being a water-rat who won a couple of round shiny things at some international homosexual event where men prance around in tiny shorts and stretch out their buttocks as they leap over hurdles. But remember this Mikey, Carrie knows that you don’t give a gosh...
KKKonnektikut KKKatastrophe!!!!!! →
Evil. Evil. Evil.
“A decade-long battle for marriage equality in Connecticut ended when the General Assembly voted to update the state’s marriage laws to conform with a landmark court ruling allowing gay and lesbian couples to tie the knot.
“It feels so good. It really does feel like the book is closing,” said Anne Stanback, president of Love Makes a Family, a...
“She apparently answered in a particular way as a person of faith,” says...”
– My future wife and eternal love, Carrie Prejean, is presenting at the Dove Awards for gospel music. The show will air live tonight at 7:00 pm on the Gospel Music Channel. Of course I love gospel. I would definitely get the Gospel Music Channel but my bills are pretty high already from HBO. And...
An open heart to heart conversation
Folks, every now and then I like to get a few things off my chest and just share some stuff about me with you guys.
Some of you may have noticed that an unsightly lengthy URL appeared instead of a linked or embedded video in the post below about Godfather Colbert’s warnings.
I’m sorry if I offended anybody. It is indeed regrettable that a strange URL showed up rather than a video....
WatchAHA!!!! Aha! Godfather Colbert’s lesser cousin, the notorious liberal John Stuart does something lefties seldom do: he tells the truth.
And not just any truth. He reveals the truth about our President’s dog. I hate to say I told you so. But really you heard it here first, folks. John Stuart confirms my worst suspicions: the first dog is a homosexual.
Obviously, this wretched canine...
Watch Stephen Colbert's timely warning against the... →
Godfather Colbert lays the smackdown on homosinuality. Watch it and weep, sodomites. Another name for Satan’s Army is … HomoStorm!
ACTION...
Warriors for Truth, Justice and Proud Heterosexualists
We have heard from many quarters that we have been taunted, nay, threatened by one of our staunchest allies, Dr.Laura Schlessinger that homosexual civil unions are a good thing. A link is posted below to the shocking video where she declares her support for homosexual congress.
Our bloods boil and our teeths gnash in rage.
Before long,...
2M4M 4 Teabagging: Watch Us Come Down Hard On Gay...
After spending a few days quietly teabagging with my inner circle of friends and family, I have reached an epiphany. Really, it’s amazing what quality time with patient, receptive people can do.
Here’s my idea. Prepare to gasp for air and be rendered speechless:
As you may all know, the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) has begun an initiative known as 2M4M - 2 Million For...
An Evil Wind Is Being Passed In New York →
Godless Governor Paterson of New York says he’ll introduce a bill to legalize gay marriage. This makes my blood boil. Is your blood boiling too? Good, now lets start teabagging. Keep at it. Turn all your energy into a furious teabagging session with you and all your near and dear loved ones. We shall build this to a glorious loud climax that Governor Paterson can hear very clearly .
2M4M: Watch us and be amazed →
“NOM (National Organization for Marriage) Launches Nationwide “Two Million for Marriage” Initiative!
APRIL 8, 2009 — In just a few minutes, NOM President Maggie Gallagher and I will hold a press conference in Trenton, NJ, announcing an ambitious new nationwide “2 Million for Marriage” (2M4M) initiative.”
2M4M is coming for you. Don’t you want to be...
The Plague of Spring Allergies
Oh merciful Lord, have mercy on my eyes. They itch so dreadfully. They feel sore and tears run down my cheecks. Did I just misspell chiex? Who cares? Alas, now my ciechks are itching too. Oh the horror.
Only G-d can tell what future plagues lie ahead of us.
I am a Miserable Failure
I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and some smarmy snot-bedecked five year old kid saw me and gave me a contemptuous glance. As I averted my eyes in shame, I happened to glance at my reflection in a store window. To my horror, my hair was all askew from the wind. Then I alsmost walked into a lamp-post. This made a passing bum chuckle.
The lord’s firm staff and powerful rod will comfort...